i talk, you listen
1st January, 2010. 7:07 pm. running around with a broken leg
Well that last entry was rather on the bitter side. But wholey appropriate considering the circumstances.
I'm going to start off the new year with a happy and upbeat entry, because things have really turned around since then.
The last year has been an interesting one, to say the least, and I'm hopeful now that things are settling and I'm back into a fairly normal routine.
So good things at the moment:
-Dancing. +++ Oh how I love it. I look forward to it every week and I don't want to leave, but for the thought of how tired I'm going to be the next morning!
-Friends. Also +++. New friends, old friends becoming closer and now a new guy has made the last few months so much better.
-Housesitting. Oh huzzah!! Really need to find my own place once this is done, how I love living out of home!
-Australian Summer - oh how I missed thee! Sun, beach, heat, good friends and good times. Love it!!
-Job - though this is half and half. I love that I'm back to indepenedence financially, and back to forging a career - but really, who doesn't want to spend their days lazing around not doing much! Haha. Oh well, suppose I gotta do it for a while.
I feel like I've changed so much in the past year and really learnt alot about life, people and relationships.
Getting stuck in a rut in my relationship made me realise that there was more to life than what I had - that I could make my own decisions to make myself happy, rather than always following others. And though that lesson came at a price - and a temptation that I shouldn't have followed when I did, and when i was able ended quite painfully, I'm much happier now for knowing. Because it made me realise that although I could have continued along as was, because there was nothing particularly wrong, there was a whole lot that wasn't right and I made the right choice (though not nescessarily for the right reasons). And since that incident, actually meeting more new guys and realising that yes they do find me interesting and attractive (and funnily enough on quite a few occaisions of late - many interesting stories there!) has really boosted my confidence again.
So at present I'm happy, both in myself and my life and I hope that's a good portent of things to come
Happy New Year!
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1st November, 2009. 6:18 pm. tremble little lion man
I'm writing to you because i don't feel like i can talk to you yet, but i want you to know what I'm feeling.
You're a bastard. You really hurt me. And I feel rejected and angry and hurt and I'm torn between wanting to scream and shout at you and wanting to sit down and cry. And to say you feel bad is not good enough. Because I don't understand how you can go from wanting me to there's someone else in the space of a few days. And saying that she swept you off your feet is not an excuse. That doesn't begin to explain how you went from not wanting to hurt me and being afraid of committing to suddenly doing the exact opposite. I know you said that I shouldn't like you. But we both knew that wasn't happening. And when you said to me that you should behave, I was hopeful that a friendship could last while you sorted out what you wanted for yourself. So what the hell happened?
I keep going through all the things i could say to you in my head. But when I try to put them together it doesn't come out right. And even this isn't coming out right. But I don't have anyone I can talk to because that's one of the things that you've always been to me. What am I to you? Because i don't know any more.
But the fact is that I miss you. Because for the last year you've been one of my closest friends, beyond anything else that happened. And not feeling like I can talk to you is so hard. I feel like an idiot. I still keep checking my phone throughout the day in the hope that you've sent me a message. And i read your updates and laugh and wish we were talking.
So what now?
I know I'm not going to give in and contact you first. Because you're the one who should have something to say for yourself. But if you don't make the effort then things will be left as they are. And no matter what, I don't know that I'm strong enough to say to you that I still want you in my life, yet know that someone else is where I wanted to be.
I don't want to lose our friendship, but you have too much to answer for before I can forgive you.
Yes. You really f***ed it up this time.
That is all.
3rd September, 2009. 4:59 pm. new york new york
( Quiz quiz quiz quiz...Collapse )
“We remember little Susie, Little Susie is no more, For what she thought was H20 was H2S04”.
2nd September, 2009. 10:25 pm.
change is happening.
19th August, 2009. 1:12 pm.
Job, Job, Job, Job, I need a Job...
Please? Something with little work and good pay. And not too far away. Sound good? Yes.
I'm irked. I've given up on the govvie jobs website and looking at Seek. And I was very excited at finding that SJOG Subi had two positions available. So I clicked on it, to see what it was... part, time, okay, good pay, work I can do... oh and it closed on the 3rd of August. So... WHY??? is it still on the site?? Stupid and annoying.
And although I've brought wasting days down to a fine art, I really need to find something soonish. I had wanted to be working before Jay came back, but at this rate it's not happening. Rrrg.
19th August, 2009. 9:06 am. un petit peu d'air
I've downloaded a list of Best 100 Novels (www.best100novels.com) and have decided to, once and for all, work my way through it. Obviously there are a million out there, but this list I quite like - 1984 by George Orwell is number 1,rather than Harry Potter (though I admit I do like Harry Potter, 1984 is an excellent book)
Haha, how random. I just logged into fb and had a message from a random I added for a game, asking what books I could suggest for him. So I had to think and suggest a few - a little hard without knowing what he'd normally like or read, so I went with Atonement, Mao's Last Dancer, Dorian Gray, 1984, Brave New World, and Hitchhikers Guide - a nice and broad collection. So we shall see - if he's read those I have many more to suggest.
Anyway, as started to say - I plan to work my way through this list. I'm pretty proud of myself though, thus far I have already read 31 of them and I own 39... not bad considering I only got the list yesterday. Annoyingly, I can't find my copy of To Kill a Mockingbird - it's disappeared into a hole somewhere. I can't think what I would have done with it - I'm aboslutely sure I had a copy of it.
So, to start with I'm going to actually read the ones I already own - After On the Road, Of Mice and Men, The Count of Monte Cristo, Animal Farm and I'm going to reattempt Wuthering Heights. Oh, and althought not on the list, I started reading A Knights Tale (Original Chaucer, language and all), so really should finish that too...
Haha, my random has got back to me already. He's read Dorian Gray, 1984 and Brave New World, and attempted Hitchhiker's Guide, but couldn't really get into it. He also sugegsts Angela's Ashes - which I own, but have never read, and another book called Herzog by Saul Bellow - never heard of it, but I'll look it up. Hrmm. Sounds interesting - I need a list...
DUDE! Stupid. Haha. Okay, so even though I just looked up Saul Bellow, I didn't think to look at what else he's written. So when i opened my list of books to read (not the one above, a different one I have), the first one there was, of course, by him - The Adventures of Augie March (and where, I would assume, the band got their name). And in fact, looking at this list, Herzog is already on it. Clever.
29th July, 2009. 8:58 pm. the cruel cruel guards
Yesterday reminded me that lj was still here, so i've just put some effort into fixing up and backdating a whole bunch of entries i just found. I knew I had more sitting around!! They are absolutely thrilling, so go read. Haha, no. Really. 2007 and and few 2006
No, not really. But still, I had effort, so all is good.
I just realised that there was a minor detail missing between my last few posts - I'm back in Aus. So short update:
Been living in France for a year and half. No end in sight, possible move to Singapore, a whole bunch of other issues, and i eventually put my foot down and said that's enough. i made the first decision I've made for myself in the past year and half and decided to come home.
Not that I don't love France. It's a beautiful place, and I could always spend time there. But, since I went back to france, after a week here in April, I realised all I was doing was wasting time. My french classes were cancelled, so I had nothing to do during the week. The date of mobilisation to Singapore was moving between July and November and was different every day - meaning I couldn't start anything. And truth is, although i can waste an inordinate amount of time sitting around doing nothing, that was enough.
So I picked a date and two weeks later, I am back at home, contemplating getting a job again.
Haha. I really should think about that too...
The only bad thing is that it's flipping freezing here. I moved from the middle of summer to the middle of winter. And although I've been outside in minus 10 (and colder) temperatures, winter here is always bad, cos our house is just so freezing inside!! We so need heaters.
People don't understand why I've come home. And i've given up trying to explain. I guess some people just can't see past the glamour of living in another place. Day to day...not quite the same. Especially without a job, friends and family around... and essentially bugger all to do. How much is my fault? Probably a lot... I wish I'd just gone straight into French class at the very beginning, and started a sport or something, but or some stupid reason, I didn't even think of that until months later. And by then I'd been kicked out of the apartment, had spent weeks in Dubai and Italy, been home again, went to London...
Ok. So There was no way in the world I could say no to or regret going. Most of Europe and hour and halfs flight away? Awesome. And we have seen some amazing things.
But real life beckons. So here I am.
Current mood: awake.
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28th July, 2009. 9:50 pm. j'aime dormi
Well. Rediscovered Lj. I have a few backdates lying around, and I may one day get around to posting them. Though if you're reading this, then I guess I've had the effort! Haha.
Much has happened. Do I have the effort to post it all? hrmm. No. Maybe later.
The net's hating on me. Not that unusual really, but its really irking me. I want the new version of media player, cos the old one's horrible and unusuable and it's telling me that it's gonna take 6 hours 55 mins to download. Ha! We do have broadband you know...
Yeah, really don't have much to say. Haha. Just felt like writing an update. Though technically the times now 9:51, cos I was called out to do the washing up, and watched a bit of a random french movie, looked for something to snack on... There was nothing. No chocolate in the whole house! How sad. Will have to remedy that for tomorrow.
Oh bugger. I won't have a car. Hrmm. Well, can walk to the shops, but bringing shopping back too? hrmm. Effort
I really need to go for a run tomorrow. I was slack and skipped my exercise today - it's too cold to get up so early, and by the time I do drag myself out of bed, I'm hungry and half the days gone. Well... not quite half, but still. Seems so to me.
The downloads being a little more realistic now. It's decided on 1hr 55mins. Still ridiculous, but not so bad as 7 hours.
Haha. I have a very old rant about how computers hate me. I wonder where that's got to...
3rd July, 2009. 8:16 am. i was looking back at every face in the street
My house is once again flooded. Hoorey! Haha. And, typically, it happened at midnight, when Jay was away, so of course I could do nothing but run to my neighbours apartment, in my pjs, apologise profusely for having woken him at midnight, but could he please come help stop the hot water that was spraying out from under the kitchen sink (and literally spraying, full force, across the cupboard!) and had very rapidly flooded the kitchen, hallway and half the living room? Cheers. Haha. He was very good about it though - knew how to turn it off, which was great.
Now flooding also means that the saftey switch on the power was tripped - a good thing, safety wise, but yet also meaning that the shutters are not working, and we couldn't open them to let some air in to dry the place out. So I put down all the towels I own, which immediately became sopping wet, as there was that much water there, and tried to mop it up a bit. After Mark went back to bed (haha, poor guy! doorbell at midnights always fun!) I sat and laughed, updated my fb status (I mean what else can you do in such a situation??) and then went about trying to clean it up a bit.
Jay rang in a panic a little later, but assured him all was well, cept that I had no power and the the place was flooded and we had to turn off the hot water to fix it, but still, all good. Discovered a bucket under the sink was full of hot water (the hot water pipe burst), so emptied, soaked up as much as I could with sponges, moved some of the stuff out of the cupboard and left out to dry. Unfortunately the two lamps in the living room, plus all the power cords to the TV, DVD player and modem are wet...and the modem itself was sitting on the floor - so I'm really hoping thats not dead... no power to try it out though.
Tried to go back to bed, but it's a little hard to get back to sleep after that. It was about 1am maybe, by then? Eventually must've fallen asleep, but woke again at 6am-ish, and that was it. So maybe 4 hours sleep at most. And after the night before where I slept horribly - I know I'm gonna need a nap later.
Anyhoo, this morning, went and mopped up a bit more, discovered that the pipe was still leaking, and had been all night, so all the mopping of the cupboard the night before was a little pointless, it had flooded again. But it was yellowy flooded, which is kinda worrying - dunno why its that colour. Anyhoo. Mopped, hung towels out to dry and now trynna waste time til reception opens at 9:30 and I can tell the landlord he may need to call a plumber... haha. Un plombier, if memory serves me.
Ahh, gotta love France.
3rd November, 2008. 10:51 am. it's raining, for the first time
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Ooh oh oh update. Jay just called and said that apparently the power is out from Menton to Marseille. For you non Frenchies - thats a huge distance - the power plant (nuclear) has shut down for some reason, and no power till it starts working again. Hoorey! On the upside, it has stopped raining, and the landlord lady (well the stand in for the land lord) has very nicely given me a tonne of towels just in case it does start again. Downside - that call cost the last of my mobile battery. Oh well...